Finding Tallahassee
by InspiredDreamer45
Summary: She stared at the wall not able to cry tears anymore. She missed him too much for her to deal with, she felt like her whole world was falling apart. "I don't think I can do this anymore." She whispered into the silence of the room. The blonde snapped her fingers and a gray cloud of magic carried her to Neal's grave. *DISCLAIMER *SWANQUEEN* *TRIGGER WARNING *BABY FIC
1. Chapter 1

**The timeline of this story does not exactly follow the timeline events on the show, so if you're looking for accuracy you will not find it in this fic. :) I do want to clarify that the first few chapters are going to be dark. Self Harm, eating disorders, depression and suicide will all be held somewhere within these chapters; please if this triggers you... Don't read it.**

 **I also want to clarify that I am not a doctor or nurse and I have no medical knowlegde so forgive me if it's not realistic in that area. :) I want to thank all of my readers for constantly believing in me. Thank you for reading and reviewing.**

* * *

It had been three weeks since Neal had died and still the blonde had not left her bed. To say she was depressed was an understatement; she was broken to the core. She knew that her family worried about her often begging for her to unlock the door.

She stared at the wall not able to cry tears anymore. She missed him too much for her to deal with, she felt like her whole world was falling apart. "I don't think I can do this anymore." She whispered into the silence of the room. The blonde snapped her fingers and a gray cloud of magic carried her to Neal's grave.

Fresh tears fell down pale cheeks as sobs wracked through her frail body, the cold air nipping at her skin. Cold fingers reached into her coat pocket as they wrapped around the sleek sharp pocket knife. "I'm sorry Neal. I just can't live without you." She paused as she placed the blade to her skinny wrist. Anger, sadness, grief, guilt, and abandonment all hit her at once as she dug the blade into her skin dragging it down in a vertical line down her wrist.

Drops of blood turned into streams cascading down Neal's grave as the blonde cried out in pain.

* * *

Regina despite not personally knowing the man that held such a big piece of Emma's heart, she often found herself visiting his grave and paying her respect. She admitted that at first she couldn't stand him and wanted him to leave at once. As time passed she realized that her son loved the man and that she had never seen her son so happy before.

When Neal died and then Emma locked herself in her house, the brunette watched as her son's world fell apart and that happiness turned to hopelessness. Tears fell down her cheeks as she felt the impact that one single man had on the lives of the people that she loved most. Although she would never admit it out loud, she loved and cared about Emma.

She lifted her head as she heard a cry of pain and that's when she saw the blonde's body next to Neal's grave. "Emma?" Flowers fell to the ground as feet began to run towards the sobbing body, her voice became hoarse and desperate as she saw how much blood was surrounding Emma. "Emma! Oh god! What did you do?!" She yelled as she tried to put pressure on the wound.

"I'm sorry. Tell Henry I love him." The blonde said as her eyes closed and tears fell down her face.

The brunette shook her head as she pulled the blonde in her arms tightly, "no, Emma you do not get to do this. You are not going to die." She told the blonde as she flicked her wrist and a purple cloud transported them to the hospital.

* * *

"I need help!" Regina screamed as she held the broken savior in her arms. It wasn't long before Emma was placed on a gurney and rushed in the back to be treated. The brunette tried to follow demanding to be with Emma.

"Regina, I need you to let me do my job and I can't do that with you yelling orders at me. I need you to trust me." Doc said firmly as he looked deeply into scared and broken brown eyes.

The brunette finally nodded her head as her voice lowered, "please doc. Please save her."

* * *

"Ma, what happened? Where's my mom?" Henry asked as he ran into the waiting room and immediately wrapped his arms around the brunette. Tears fell down his face as he saw all the blood covering Regina's silk white shirt.

Regina sat down with her son just as the blonde's parents came in worry written in their features. "Today, I went to go pay my respects and when I got there I heard a scream of pain and that's when I found Emma. I think she was trying to end her life." She said as tears threatened to fall as she remembered finding the blonde bleeding on the cold ground.

The whole family took in shaky breaths as everything hit them at once. Mary Margaret cried in her husband's arms.

Henry cried as his hands clenched into fists as anger and sadness clouded his thoughts."Why does everyone want to leave me?!" His anger turned into sobs as Regina and his grandparents embraced him.

"Henry, no one is leaving you. We all love you and so does Emma… she's just broken right now. She's forgotten how loved she really is." David told his grandson as he felt the boy hold onto him even tighter. "We need to make your mom see that she's not alone… just like you are not alone."

* * *

Hours passed and finally Doc walked into the waiting room to find Henry asleep with his head on Regina's lap. Mary Margaret was the first one to realize that he had walked into the room.

"Emma is stable. Thankfully she didn't cut through anything major; I believe that her magic is healing her physically. She has a long recovery ahead of her in regards to her mental health." Doc said as he wiped his brow with a handkerchief.

Everyone let out a relieved breath as they were happy that the blonde was alive and stable. Mary Margaret placed her hand protectively over her bulging stomach as she was already nearing the end of 9 months. "Can we see her?" She asked anxiously

Doc nodded his head, "two at a time please."

* * *

Mary Margaret and David walked into the hospital room and felt tears roll down her cheeks as she saw her daughter just staring at the ceiling. "Emma. We're here and we love you so much." She said as she walked over and placed a kiss on the top of her daughter's head.

Emma didn't pull away but she also didn't lean into the kiss either. She just felt numb as if everyone's words were empty. Her lips trembled as she said the one question that silenced the room. "Where's Neal? I want Neal."

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. Please tell me what you think and maybe what you would like to see in this story. I will try to update tonight.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So I have decided that this will be a SwanQueen story. I finally caved in haha. Anyway thank you for reading.**

* * *

Mary Margaret thought long and hard about her words before taking a seat next to her daughter, "Emma… do you remember?" She asked; her voice full of caution and concern.

"Remember what?!" She asked loudly and sarcastically. She hated when people walked on eggshells around her, it made her uncomfortable to the core. "What's going on? Why won't you answer my question? Where's Neal?!"

"Emma… Neal is gone." David said quietly and gently as he took his daughter's hand into his.

The blonde shook her head from side to side as she pulled her hand away. "No… you're lying!" She spat as she pulled her knees up to her chest and began to rock back and forth. "Get out! Get out now!" She said angrily as tears fell down her cheeks. Neal couldn't be gone… he was her first love.

* * *

Later that night after Henry had gone home with his grandparents, Regina walked into the spacious hospital room carrying a vase filled with beautiful blue orchids and bits of lavender. She sat down next to the blonde who was currently sleeping. Careful not to wake up Emma she placed the vase on the bedside table.

Emma stirred in her sleep as she no longer felt alone. Her eyes fluttered open as she jumped a little when her eyes focused in on the brunette who was sitting next to her. "Gina?"

"Shhhhh… it's alright." She spoke gently as she took hold of the blonde's hand noticing how soft and cold Emma's hands were.

"Is it true? Is he gone?" She asked as her voice shook, her eyes looking directly into the brown concerned orbs in front of her. She watched as tears fell down Regina's face as she nodded her head.

Emma squeezed Regina's hand tightly as her body shook as she sobbed. She didn't flinch when Regina wrapped her in a warm and safe embrace, she only held on tighter to the woman who once wanted her dead and was now her friend; she held onto her like she did the end of her rope.

"It's alright I'm not going to leave you. Together we can get through this." The brunette said as she continued to run her fingers through long blonde hair, soothing the woman in her arms.

Slowly both women drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Doc walked into the room smiling softly as he witnessed both the savior and the once evil queen holding each other in the hospital bed. It was so nice not having both of them bickering and fighting all the time. He knew deep down that Emma's true love wasn't Neal… He just knew that the woman who was now holding her was the blonde's true love. He kept his suspicions to himself, as he chuckled softly as he gently knocked on the door.

Regina woke up to the sound of a soft knock on the door. She rubbed her eyes as she gently removed herself from the blonde's embrace. Her cheeks blushed pink as she realized that she had fallen asleep with the blonde.

"Good Morning Doc." She said politely and in a whisper as she followed Doc into the hallway as to not wake up Emma.

Doc smiled warmly at the woman who had changed so much. Regina was no longer the woman who sought out vengeance. She was no longer the woman that put her happiness above everyone else's. "Mayor Mills I have in my file that you are Emma's emergency contact. Miss Swan has decided that she is unfit to make any legal or medical decisions; therefore you are entitled to make the necessary decisions in regard to Miss Swan."

Regina was baffled as she had no idea that Emma had pretty much put her in charge. Strangely she felt warmth in her chest as she was honored that the blonde trusted her with her life. "How is she Doc? How is she really?" She asked as she looked through Emma's file that the doctor had given her.

"Emma has a history of depression, PTSD and Insomnia. Emma was diagnosed at the age of six years old; however none of her foster homes sought out help for her. Her depression has become severe." He paused. The shift in the room changed and became cold.

"You're not telling me everything. There's something you're holding back from me. What is it?" She stated as she looked deeply into his dark blue eyes.

"Miss Swan is Pregnant."

* * *

Regina closed her eyes and opened them again. She wasn't dreaming. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. She is four weeks pregnant. This is where I need you to make a decision. We can place Emma in the behavioral unit and keep her there for up to three weeks where we will also try to find what medication works for her; or Miss Swan can stay with you under your watch. May I share my point of view?" He asked gently, his eyes softening.

The brunette nodded her head as she felt concerned for the blonde. Would she be able to take care of Emma and her unborn child?

"I see how Miss Swan looks at you now. I see how she reaches out to you when she is hurting; she doesn't shut you out like she does her parents. You have been through some traumatic experiences and that's what I believe will be able to help Emma. I believe that the second option will be a much better decision as medication may be harmful to the baby."

A million thoughts went through Regina's mind as she nodded her head in understanding. She would tell Emma that she would be living with her and Henry for the next few months. There was a lot that she needed to do before the blonde moved in. "Does Emma know? I mean… about the baby."

He shook his head. "I have not told Emma. I was hoping the news could come from someone whom she trusts and believes." He in truth didn't want to cause the blonde more trauma and stress; though it was important that she be aware of the changes her body and mind would be going through.

"Tell me what?" Emma asked as she sat up from the bed.

* * *

 **I am halfway done with chapter three at the moment so I will be posting that shortly. Please let me know what you think. Thank you**


	3. Chapter 3

**I apologize for taking a while to update. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Regina shook Doc's hand in an attempt to let him know he was dismissed. Once Doc had walked away, she shut the door and sat down in the chair next to the blonde's bed. "Emma, I spoke with Doc and he thinks it's best that you come and stay with Henry and I for a while. He also informed me that you would like me to make all of the decisions. I have decided that I would rather you stay with me than for you to stay in the behavioral hospital." She said hoping that it would be enough.

Emma nodded her head as she took it all in. She was relieved that she wouldn't have to stay at the hospital. When she was a teenager she had been hospitalized eight times in the behavioral hospital. "Are you sure? I don't want to be in the way." Her voice was a whisper as she spoke quietly, almost ashamed.

The mayor gently placed her hand on Emma's face as she gently wiped the tears away with her thumb. "Oh Emma, of course I am sure. You're not in the way at all." She said as she looked deeply into the sad and worried green eyes.

Emma wasn't stupid she knew that there was more to what Doc had spoken to Regina about. She could see and feel that the brunette was walking on eggshells around her, as if she was testing whether she could tell the blonde everything. "Regina, will you please tell me what else Doc told you? I won't be mad. I just want to know the truth."

Regina took a deep shaky breath as she placed her hand into Emma's hand and squeezed gently. "Emma… you're pregnant."

* * *

The blonde felt sick to her stomach as her world came crashing down around her. She was pregnant with Neal's child… she had tried to kill herself and her unborn child. Bile rose up as she quickly darted to the restroom and emptied the little contents of her stomach into the porcelain toilet.

Regina quickly followed Emma into the restroom and pulled back the blonde's hair as she rubbed her back soothingly. "Shhhh… It's alright."

Emma wiped her mouth as she sank down to the floor, sobs escaped her lips. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She cried out.

"Emma, sweetheart it's not your fault. You didn't know about the baby." She said as she pulled the blonde into her embrace. Tears fell down her face as she could feel and understand what Emma was going through.

The blonde cried in Regina's arms until she fell asleep. Regina carefully picked up Emma in her strong arms and placed her on the hospital bed, her heart felt heavy as she covered up the blonde.

* * *

It had been a week of Emma living with Regina and Henry, the transition had been easy. Emma was still depressed but she was no longer in a critical state of mind. She loved being with her son, as every night was game night.

Henry still didn't know about his mom's pregnancy. Emma wanted to wait a few months until she revealed it to everyone. Her mother had already given birth to her baby brother and today was the day where everyone would find out what her parents decided to name her brother. She was nervous, and honestly she felt hurt.

"Emma? Are you alright?" Regina asked as she noticed that the blonde was lost in her thoughts. If she were being honest, she was anxious of what would happen tonight at granny's diner. Emma's parents were so consumed with the birth of their son, that they forgot they had a daughter who recently attempted to kill herself. She hoped and prayed that they wouldn't do anything stupid that would upset Emma.

"Yeah… I'm just…" Emma hesitated

Understanding shone in the brunette's eyes as she finished what Emma wanted to say, "you're nervous."

* * *

They walked into granny's diner and they were greeted by many of their friends. Emma spotted her mom and dad holding a baby wrapped in a blue crocheted blanket similar to hers. She gulped as she walked over to them, her hands were sweating and she felt her emotions betraying her.

"Emma, honey you came!" Snow said as she hugged her daughter.

David hugged his daughter as well careful not to squash his son in the embrace. "This is your baby brother would you like to hold him?" He asked gently.

The blonde wasn't jealous of her brother; but she felt pangs of hurt. It wasn't her baby brother's fault that she had had a crappy childhood. If she were being honest she still hadn't forgiven her parents for sending her through the wardrobe. "Okay." She said as she held out her arms.

A smile spread on her lips as she watched her brother snuggle into her arms. It felt strange holding a baby in her arms; she didn't even get to hold her own son when he was born all those years ago. She wondered what it would feel like to hold her baby in the months to come. "Hi, I'm Emma you're sister." She cooed as she placed a kiss to his forehead.

* * *

Regina and Henry both got to hold the infant and were now socializing with everyone. Snow and Charming tapped on a glass before speaking loudly for all to hear, "thank you all for coming! We would like to introduce our son… Neal Nolan!"

Everyone grew quiet as they looked over at Emma whose face had become pale. Emma could feel the tears falling down her face as she was aware everyone was looking at her. "I'm sorry." She said quietly as she ran out of the diner.

Regina got up and looked at the two idiots angrily, "seriously?!"


End file.
